Beautifully Imperfect

2011-12-17T17:37:00.001+08:00

I'm moving to a better place to start a new me. Moving as in moving from blogspot to the other. Hopefully going into the new me will make my future brighter. *breathe deeply*

2011-08-18T02:10:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure. Liking someone, is it wrong? Why do I get hurt every single time I like somebody? Don't I have the rights to like somebody? It's not even the start yet and I'm already hurting. It's hurts...it hurts alot.. Domu appo. Domu domo appo. Wae andwaeyo?

2011-07-13T23:27:00.002+08:00

Alright, let me get to it straight no hitting around the bush alright. Things change when I become the President. Ok fine. I admit to that. But YOU are the one who encouraged me to become the president and you will support and I will have your back if anything happens. But those words are crap. It mean nothing. Its just words. No action. AT ALL.

Now, it seems like its all my fault. My wrong doing. I don't know. Am i the only 1 affected by the changes in our relationship? It seemed it is. Ouh I forgot, you have YOUR boyfriend by your side. Dear bestfriend, you are not my BESTfriend anymore. Where are you when the world crushing me down. Why can't you make any effort. I'm making effort as I tried to smile and talk to you when i meet you. But all I get was you Fucked up face. Look, am I the only 1 who cares about our relationship? 10 years has been to waste. its always been me who go to you. Do you forget what i did for you. many good things. I admit you too. But Atleast I'm trying to make things work for us despite my fucked schedule and my own self.

Since you are 'free' of any position and can move around freely, why don't YOU make the effort to go to me and ask whether if I'm ok. YOU make me cry and I have no one to share my story as I don't want to make you look bad infront of humans. Even in this situations I still protect you and care for you while you doesn't.

THIS IS MY FUCKING PERCEPTION.

Even the guys don't stand on my side. I know you are closer to them than I am. But they still don't see me as a trustworthy. I tried to tell them about our problem instead I get blame. I think I'm too kind to people. I make people my first priority while they make me as their option. I'm not gonna be like that ANYMORE. I guess I destroy most of my time in my life. Even being a president make me a person who I don't wanna be. But I think Its worth it.

It makes me stronger. I'm not like those who are stronger behind those screens. I'm gonna say it right here and right now. I'm not gonna care about it anymore since I'm the only one who is making the effort.

BESTIE, if you really care about our relationship and all the moments that we shared together, things have been better of you take initiative and come to me as MY BESTFRIEND.

I LOVE/D YOU, NURUL ATIKAH BTE SALIM.

That's my piece of mind.

2011-07-05T13:12:00.005+08:00

Its been long since i update my blog.
To think about it, I just don't feel talking about it. Too many to say. I have issues. Its small but its growing bigger. Same ol' thing.

I just need to have a time out and and take a breather. I don't know why I'm stressing out. I just keep thinking. Why I keep whining and feel bad about those issues instead of solving it. Then again, how do i solve it?

Right now my heart is close for trust. After things happened I realise that I can never trust anyone. I can't trust no one. NOBODY.period. Thanks to those who open up to me. but I do have my doubt. Growing up is never easy for me. The biggest issue for me right now is that I have doubts and can never trust anyone at the moment.

I realise that i'm alone when I'm going through too many rough patches during the early of this year. No one was by my side except my family. but No one understand what i was facing. No one sees. When the world is crushing me down, I look around and it feels like you are walking past a ghost town. 2011 is not the year for me. Its a freaking tough year for me.

Thats all.

2011-06-14T23:50:00.002+08:00

Birthday is a simple one but still meaningful. Teared up while reading all the birthday wishes. I think I neglect the world long enough to realise that people still love me.

Been saying many times that I need to have a life. All my friends are attached. Daus recently attach to kayshenee. Happy for him. Now left me.
I need to socialise. But do i really have time to date? I want to date. I want to watch movies and eat dinner with my date. the only thing is, will my date want to date me. hmmm....

2011-06-10T00:01:00.002+08:00

I'm seriously in my Lazy mood. i don't feel like studying when my semester test is next week. i don't feel excited for my birthday and my birthday falls on the first day of test. i don't feel like going out even I want to go out and have fun. What else?

I don't know I'm a demanding person but I just wanna have fun. I am full with stress and pressure. I want to shop my mum say its enough. its been months since I went shopping. I want a long board for my birthday. I got my dream shoes from my parents and i thanked them for that.

My parents and I, is what a bitter-sweet relationship feels like. They are young and we always stand for our individual opinion without realizing that one of us has to gives in. Even the status is forgotten. I know I should be grateful but sometimes money and nagging is not the only thing we need. We need to spulrge on family times and have fun together.

As I'm growing up, I'm feeling the tense in my family. Everyone is busy with their own things. Being a grown up is not easy after all. You began to realize that fairytale does not exist in the real world.

2011-06-09T00:18:00.002+08:00

You know what, people seriously failed to see the wonders of life. Occasionally, me too. I wonder why people turn the tables and play the victim and blame on others when clearly it was them who start the fire.

Its time to depend on your self and stop relying on people; in the end of the day people just care about themselves.

Humans, they only brave and shine behind those screen but an innocent and harmless creature in reality. PRETENDERS.

I'm not sure by saying this but I mean it. Please correct yourself before you judge people. Everyone makes mistakes. Repent. If everyone were to think like this, wouldn't Earth is the peaceful place to live in.

Saying things about people till you don't realise that those factors you list down is describing yourself.

REPENT HUNMANS.

2011-05-30T09:18:00.002+08:00

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I messed up my life. My life is not organized like what it supposed to be. I seriously don’t know what’s fucking wrong with me. Is it because I skipped my prayers couple of times? Or Is it just me, being a jinx as always. I fucking hate myself right now. I don’t care. I just gonna say whatever is inside me right now.

1.I fell for someone’s boyfriend. AGAIN!!!!
2.I’m fat.
3.I’m the president.
4.My committee is not fucking working. They are like a bunch of cows which don’t understand human language.
5.My bestfriend is not by my side right now.
6.My clique has not been acknowledging me.
7.I’m invisible to everyone right now.
8.To people, I’m a working machine with tons of time and no feelings.
9.I can’t pursue hip-hop dance.
10.I have no Boyfriend
11.I’m ugly and fat.
12.I lost my ezlink card early in the morning.
13.I’m too busy for my family.
14.People love to take advantage of me.
15.I cared about people too much than care about myself.

What more to add? I just feel a lot of negative vibe at the moment. I need Help. PRONTO!!!!!
I feel like dying!

2011-05-19T22:58:00.000+08:00

I'M A GIRL WITH NO LIFE! ANYONE WANTS TO RESCUE THIS LIFELESS HUMAN?!

2011-04-13T01:44:00.002+08:00

Its 1.44 am in the morning. Life is as usual. Life as a president, tiring. Not complaining but sharing. Still unloved. I need a break from all this melancholy drama. No money, No significant other, No job, Still no license, No life.

I just get over a rough patch. Phew! Now waiting for school to start. I really want to go to school and make new friends. I want my life back.

2011-03-31T12:55:00.002+08:00

I'm on the urge of hating myself. But have yet to hate myself. get it?
I've been eating alot. Stop my work out. Gaining weight. Not to be able to have the confidence and esteem that I used to have. I cannot handle people. Unable to stand for my rights. What more to add? Still haven't pay my unpaid fast. 16 DAYS!

Seriously i can't wait to start school. When is the new timetable and class coming out?? I want to go to school!!!

2011-03-18T18:11:00.002+08:00

I thought everything gonna be alright but I think I screwed up. I've realize that I neglected Bestie and my family. I guess I'm too caught up with my responsibilities. This is my first time handling such a big group. I'm not an expert on this. i need time to be stable. I think all of us need time to get use to the new environment. i may be tough and stern on the outside. But there is still the 'original Ain' in me. Don't worry. I'll get back to you guys once I've stabilize myself. Please be patient and wait for me, don't go.

2011-03-11T13:14:00.002+08:00

*breathe in* Ahhh..What a good day. The weather is cool and the sun is bright. Surprisingly today is colder than usual. Its been raining the whole night last night. After a stressing day yesterday, I feel my mood has lift up today.

I couldn't concentrate on practice yesterday. There's so many things going thru my mind. Where people are not doing things, Lisa stressing out on her work, People MIA, Haikal want to quit 5050. *sigh* I'm not gonna give up but I'm just stuck and don't know what these people actually want. If I get angry, people will just leave but when I say nicely did anyone listen???

People need to grow up and be responsible. Am I the only one who is seeing things the way it should be? Come on people, when you got to sit down and do your work, do it with pride. Once your work is done, its done.

Whatever, I just want to have a good day today. One thing I realize today, I've not been looking into his profile anymore! yay me! What a turn off. hahaha.
Good thing is that i'm free again.

I hope things gonna be good from now on. Thanks ALLAH for listening to my prayers eventhough I've not been that good to you. Thanks. Love you!

2011-03-02T23:18:00.002+08:00

Its been a while now. I keep listening to ONLY HOPE - MANDY MOORE. It really makes me relax and reflect. To be honest, its my favorite song. I wish I could sing to Him. The lyrics really express what I feel if I met Him.
The President post really caught me up. I'm getting the stress now. There's alot of things in my mind right now. My mind is messed up. Let me list it down.

- President
- Gamelan
- Proposals (alot!)
- Work
- Workload
- Him
- love life
- Life
- Family
- friends
- responsibilities

I cried alot these days. I really try not to give up and pull myself up when I'm falling. crying is the only way that I can relieved myself. I really need strength and courage. Alot. Not only from my friends and family but also from Him. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to face all this. Its been a shock for me. I was thrown alot of responsibilities at one go. This is my first time having this heavy responsibilities. I really need someone to pull me up if I fall again.

2011-02-16T22:16:00.002+08:00

Urgh... the days of being PRESIDENT has just begun.I just had committee meeting with Zaini, Peiying and Kavitha. I had alot in mind to talk about. But when the time comes, My mind went blank! I really want to show the advisors that they can trust me. Hah, what a first impression i've made.

When I'm walking home, many things went thru my head.
Am I be able to cope being the PRESIDENT?
Am I gonna be a good PRESIDENT?
Am I strict enough?
Am i too lenient?

Last but not least, am I still clinging on him?

URGH, WHAT A DAY!

2011-02-11T20:55:00.002+08:00

Going into your profile and your status said you are in relationship with.....A GUY!
well, i'm speechless. totally shocked/surprise/numb?! 'are u gay???' in my mind.
But i found out that you are Bi. I mean bi is better than gay right? i'm trying to settle myself. can't you see. wow. What a news.. I'm physically ok with it but mentally i need time for sure. you are too good to destroy yourself. please don't do stupid things. I don't know what to say. but i have to admit that i'm shocked.
we do not talk now but soon....

2010-12-20T22:38:00.003+08:00

I'm still thinking. Thinking about alot of things mainly HIM. Wow, this is the first time that I took a lot of time thinking about someone to make decision.
I think I want to move to tumblr. It seems that pictures expresses more meaning than words.

"I always have problem going back to ur profile when I visit. The page won't let me change. Now I have your handsome pic stuck on my screen!"

2010-12-18T17:18:00.004+08:00

I'm falling in love again and I feel that moment again. The moment where I got blissfully lost, panic and clueless. I like those moments but I'm so afraid that I lose the confidence. As I look his pictures my confidence beginning to lose. So far not love but infatuation. I want to fall in love but I'm not sure whether should I fall in love with HIM.
I want so much to fall in love. I think I have been saying 'i want to fall in love' for 4 times now. You see how much i want it. I want to grow with falling in love. I have been talking to him for quite a while now but its on pause now. It seems that he is a nice guy. A lot of people recommended him to me. Even Zah support me and recommended me to date him. While talking to him, I got this feelings that he is not looking for relationship. I'm willing to date but I'm not sure whether I could only afford to date.
Danny is right. If I really love HIM so much, I will have this urge of 'wanting him' and dating will be difficult. It will be difficult for only dating.
What should I do now? I can't deny that my eyes are searching for him in school hoping to see him and say HI. I'm still not sure my feelings for him. I feel really happy when I talk to him. Its like there's only the two of us in this world.Feel really, really blissful! Do you think that is LOVE? HE's the only guy that I'm being myself around with. I really feel comfortable talking to him and I'm beginning to be myself and open up about things. What does this means? I don't want another heartbreak. Its too much for me to happen. so, whats next?

2010-12-06T20:55:00.003+08:00

I think I shall update now. I'm busy with stuff and I can't update regularly. Sorry. NOw is December. 2 more weeks till school close.
Something happen just now in school during break. I really need to talk about it. I accidentally slash Yan Bo's finger and its deep. I feel so horrible than ever. Its not about the person but the casualties i caused and the consequence that I need to bear. It spoilt the group team work and waste everybody time waiting for YanBo to returned from first aid. Ain why are you so clumsy. So Sorry Yan Bo.

I hope I'll get my self back tomorrow.

2010-11-23T13:21:00.002+08:00

Its been long since I've update. IN class right now. I feel tired and sleepy. Class finish at 12 and I have UT later at 4. staying in class and watching Sorority Row while surfing the net. I'm out of shows to watch.
Yeah, I drove a car. For 5 km. I'm proud of myself.
I feel lazy to update actually. tomorrow is the start of gamelan. Excited and ....
I'n listening to Far east movement. They are f.rock! their genre are clubbing song. The song really give me the confidence. hahahha!

I want to eat chocolate.

2010-11-14T22:39:00.003+08:00

I knew this would happen. I don't know why I keep avoiding him and distance myself from him. I know real hard that he wanted to talk to me. But why I keep hindering him?
He brought a Eurasian girl with him. I don't know what to feel. I know the thing between me and him is something that our families start on. But There's feeling since young.. It has been 7 years now. I still have not talk to him. he keep giving me the sign he wanted to start a conversation with me. Everyone notice that to. But...

I thought I hold it well, but tears started to burst out. I'm tired of all this. I'm jinx in my love life. I wonder when this 'curse' gonna end. Don't I deserve any love at all? Too many times of this 'not-my-luck' love stories happened.
What I can only say is,"You are just like the others, WALI you made me cry..."

2010-11-06T15:54:00.001+08:00

I've always wondering~
I keep doing things for people's happiness, Why people don't do things for my happiness?

2010-11-06T15:46:00.002+08:00

Finally, I'm updating. I'm seriously bored to death now. It's random but I really want to be in love. hee~
I really want it to happen. A good and worth one. I want to prove to everyone that a girl like me afford to be in a beautiful relationship and be happy. Honestly, I'm jealous of my two bestfriends. Jealousy much.
So how? MInho? Thankfully, I've been able to control myself but there still fondness in me. LOL right? I told ya that I'm bored right now.

2010-11-01T20:16:00.003+08:00

Why am I feeling so emotional today. With my running nose and teary eyes. Those lonely feeling came back after a long hiatus. Hey 'lonely feeling' aren't you tired harassing me? You made me cry and realized. Isn't that enough?

I just realized that I'm a simple girl who love living in her own world and fantasies.
Laughing while her eyes are locked to the lappy screen. Listen to songs that expresses her feelings and sometimes smile all day long. But why humans are trying to destroy her without them knowing? She's harmless. I swear. She's not that strong as she used to be.
She softened down a lot. Please people take care of her. She is fragile. She don't ask for big things, all she wants was beautiful memories, to fill her memory lane.

2010-10-31T23:18:00.003+08:00

its 11.18pm now. Just got home from partying at Bestie's nieces and nephew birthday party.
I had a blast. I met boyfriends at the bus stop. Coincidentally, Fayyad and Daus wore purple, Me and Rasul wore brown. We didn't make any plans to wear the same but anyways, again, coincidentally, the theme was barney. hahaha Daus and Fayyad outfits are perfect!
We ate and dance and stuff. Bestie's parents supposed to sent us home but we understand. Don't need to feel bad bestie. So Me and boyfirends cabbed home and split the fee. Sent Daus first, Rasul, me and Fayyad last. That Taxi uncle is lucky man.
Whatever i had fun and tmr I think i'm gonna shag again! hahaha.
I'm alone at home now. The rest are at Wendy's for supper.

2010-10-31T09:50:00.002+08:00

Its' been a while since I've update. I wanted so much to update but I'm 'busy'. You know with school and 'stuff'.
As you know, Jonghyun dating news spread like wild fire. I was sad and angry coz he is in the same group as Minho and he can influence others. However, soon after, I'm not angry anymore. I'm just pissed with SM. Well, idols are humans after all, right. They have freedom to make decision for themselves. Only those antis make the situation difficult.

Anyways, 28th NOVEMBER 2010. First Communication with WALI and its non-verbal. happy coz communicate with him, sad because its non-verbal. haiz...

Reflections is getting nearer. 2 weeks to be exact. Practices has becoming better than ever. The dancer was beautiful. I'm awed!!! hahaha..

Till next time. Define next time..hhhaaaa~!

2010-10-24T23:41:00.002+08:00

"Hi, My name is Ain. What's yours?"

2010-10-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

I'm trying real hard to distract myself from Him. Like really hard. I distract myself by watching Super Junior now. It brings me laughter. But sometimes those laughter won't last long. I need to be stronger each day. Its hard to get over things we love. Even I distract myself to other things, no doubt there still feelings in there.

Left me without Boyfriend. Sad right? But sometimes I think I'm OK with it. Things happens for reason right. Maybe I will get the best Boyfriend in the world and time is payment. haha!

I'm trying to look on the brighter side. its for my own good. No point crying over things that we are not sure gonna be ours.

However, sad news. My girlfriend, Danellia, lost someone precious in her life. Today is her Grandma's funeral. I felt her grief. She is very sad and I really want to be there for her.

Be tough dear friend and don't worry this is the best for your Granny. She will rest peacefully now after so many years of sufferings. Don't cry and smile. Remember your granny is watching you from above. Love ya!

Text her to console her. that is the only thing I afford to do. i hope it helps.

2010-10-24T23:27:00.002+08:00

Mama, Ayah and Amirul went to Tanjung Pinang. Today went to town for several purposes. Guess what? Me and Aishah went out with Cik Sidah and Uncle Shah. We like never go out with them like only them there. I thought its gonna be awkward but it turn out to be fun. I can say anything to them because they themselves are young.

Honestly, I also hope to see Shinee on the streets coz they are in Singapore for the Kpop Nite. But no. Obviously! DUH! How can they be on the streets just like that!

Went to Swensens atlast. We had the Ice cream buffet. Cik Sidah said that We have to eat the ice cream till we drop! hahaha. We did drop! All four of us! hahahahahha!

Thanks Cik Sidah and Uncle Shah for bringing us out and Thanks for the meal!

Love you guys Loads!!

2010-10-23T16:06:00.002+08:00

Its raining outside. I'm still trying hard to be optimistic for my own good. Class have been good. You know, new classmates and new facis.

Well, I'm sad when I heard this Jonghyun is not coming to Singapore for the Kpop nite.

He injured his ankle. Sad right.

I'm gg swimming later..

2010-10-19T21:34:00.002+08:00

Today, the strong Ain is gone.
I teared again. Tomorrow is the 20th.
I know I shouldn't be like this. I'm lost for words....
Now the bright candle is melting real bad....
What I should do?
I never ask to be like this.
I'm weak again...
I tried to distract myself but.....
I'm defeated...
Should I raise the white flag?

2010-10-18T21:38:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I'm getting better. However, never mind.

Shinee Chu ka he yo! For winning the MuSic Bank K-Chart with Hello!

Hwaiting!

Hopefully the strong Ain will last long!

2010-10-17T21:50:00.003+08:00

I'm getting better after that 'break down' period that is a relieved.

I'm just like this candle..

Burning brightly but melting at the same time.. You know what I mean.

Still, trying hard to lit brightly to cover those imperfection..

2010-10-16T16:58:00.002+08:00

Questions has been running thru my mind since forever... Arhh.. I'm tired..
Anyone, if you read my blog. Please don't ask anything. Just don't ask.
Just read and reflect thats all. Please please don't ask.
I'm not being arrogant or anything..but lease don't ask..

2010-10-16T15:58:00.002+08:00

This morning I wake up and feel tired. I guess I'm shag. Yesterday night was my worst night. I was so emotional. I think I hold it back for a very long time and yesterday was letting it all go. My pillow is soaked with my wasteful tears. I've been strong for a long time. I have no shoulder to cry on. Thinking back about yesterday is making me tears again. Its hard and I don't know what is hard. He is coming to Singapore on the 20th and I don't know what to expect. Just praying hard.

I need to have faith in Allah.

2010-10-15T23:28:00.001+08:00

I'm drowning...... Someone, please pull me up~

2010-10-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

I promise myself not to tear again but...

I broke down real bad..

After solat, I say my prayers.

" Allah, I don't know what else to say anymore. Why you always give me this kind of test. Its getting harder each day! I know I did alot of wrong but I'm just a human being who keeps doing stupid mistake over and over again. I'm tired.. I'm dying inside..I'm still gonna repeat my prayers. I know this is crazy but nothing is impossible right. Please let us meet each other and make things fall without me trying hard. You can open his heart to convert to Islam later right. I can try right?

Please Allah, I'm out of my wits already. If this gonna go on, I'm afraid my friends will see this side of me. And I don't want that. Please......"

The lyrics to tis songs really touches me and these is what I wanted to say to him. Even starting of the monologue is his voice....

2010-10-15T23:04:00.000+08:00

Translation to Shinee's LIfe.(this song on the blog)

Oh, when this passing life withers away, you come to me
The moment I touch your frozen heart, my life begins

When you’re tired and having a hard time
Please let me stay by your side
So I can give back to you the love I had only received
Before this life ends

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can handle this much pain and suffering
(If only you) If only you
(Are with me) Are with me

When I lose my way inside the dark forest
When my young soul is crying
Guide me like a light, like a miracle
Before this life ends

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can suppress whatever pain and tears
(All I want is you) All I want is you
(Only one is you) Only one is you in my life

I won’t cry, I won’t cry again
Absolutely nothing can stop me
But only one person
You make me, you perfect me
Oh, you make me able to breath like this

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can handle this much pain and suffering
(If only you) If only you
(Are with me) Are with me

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can suppress whatever pain and tears
(All I want is you) All I want is you
(Only one is you) Only one is you in my life

2010-10-14T20:54:00.002+08:00

Today is a very exhausting day for me. David made us think to the core. My brain is squashed!
When to Lunch with Hariz, Solha and Zaki. We talk about each other's partner. Suddenly, Zaki question struck me hard. " Ain, we all have partners. When is your turn?"

You ask me that question that I myself don't really know when. I've always jinx when it comes to my love life. I've longed for one but none turn up.

What I read about Minho that whenever he was asked about his ideal girl, he is uncomfortable saying it because he wanted to focus on his career and studies keeps playing in my mind. I don't know the reason why.

He is coming to Singapore on the 20th of October. I'm somehow feel happy and I don't know. I know its crazy asking this but I really hope we meet and something happens. No harm wishing right?

People are stalking them at the hotel where they are staying. People let them have a good trip in Singapore. Don't make them suffer. They are humans after all!

2010-10-14T20:50:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's preview was a short one. But we did practice alot. Of course there's mistake evrywhere.

During the practice before the preview, Ahmad went out of the room and cried. Fazlun comfort him and it was very beautiful scene. It reaches out to me. I tried to hold back my tears but some stubborn little ones just came out unknowingly.

It makes me comes to this, Have Minho ever cried after being a star? like really cried from his heart. Guy will only cry when the things that made them cry is really upsetting. I'm sensitive to seeing guys cried. I can't help to cry as well.

Aigoo~

2010-10-12T23:16:00.001+08:00

I want to watch him at youtube...But I'm scared... Should I ?

2010-10-12T22:13:00.002+08:00

First day of school!!!
Classmates= so so
Day= Great!

I cannot say much of my classmates coz I don't really know them well. Maybe a few days later.
Aigoo, If only Minho oppa is with me...

2010-10-11T23:08:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow is the first day of Semester 2! Woots Woots!
Heehee. I'm so looking forward to start school tomorrow!
Thats all..heehee!
Tomorrow gonna be a fine day with a new start.
Minho oppa, I'm going to start school tomorrow. Hopefully I have good classmates and its gonna be a fruitful one. I'm gonna bring my 'imaginary Minho' to school.

2010-10-11T01:07:00.002+08:00

Minho oppa,
why can't this all be true? I know this is crazy, but why it can't happen?
I really x39578573849946785728979082757908 times to happen.
WHy can't be success in my love life?
I want to meet you and meet you as Choi Minho.
I try to watch all those fans matchmaking you with other female celebrities so that I'll be stromger.
But YOU! you make me weak...
Oh Allah, Please make my prayers be true.....PLease! I'm tired seeing people happy with their love life. Now its my turn to have my deserving happiness.

2010-10-11T00:59:00.002+08:00

Wah, Why are you so free? WHy you keep in my head...
Aigoo, Sin cha!
There's alot of WHYs in my mind..

Minho oppa,
Why you?
Why I fallen for you?
Why I even fall for Kpop?
Why it always been like this?
Why I can't have you?
Why am I ugly and fat?
Why I even think about you?
Why I cry for you?
Why I'm worried/care for you?
Why can't god make my dreams come true?
Why do I even think about it?
Why I feel this way when I see you on screen?
Why can't I be a normal fan?
Why I imagine about you before I go to sleep?
Why do i even pray for your health and well-being?
Why,Why,Why?

Can you anwer all the WHYs?

2010-10-11T00:54:00.002+08:00

After listening those stories from Ayah, LOVE can make people do anything. Even the bad things.

Because of LOVE, People willing to,
sacrifice...
suffer....
destroy themselves...
be self-centred...
motivates...

Its up to oneself. Love is like a white canvas, you are the paint.
Its beautiful if you paint it with love and concentration.

2010-10-10T21:06:00.002+08:00

I'm so looking forward to go to school and meet my new classmates!

Hopefully Its gonna be good as how i expected.

Daebak!

2010-10-10T20:57:00.002+08:00

Oouugghhhh..... Yesterday's party was boring. I expected that kind of atmosphere. It was themed black and white. Yes, everyone was wearing black and white only minor who don't understand black and white.. Faliq was busy entertaining his friends. But he kinda put me off.
One, he didn't talk to me only thanks me for coming his party and the present.
Two, he didn't introduce his friends to me. I did introduce my friends to him. So unfair on his side.

Why are guys soOOoo not sensitive? Every details are very important to girls. Be it girlfriend, friends, cousin, mother etc.
Tsk Tsk Tsk.

After the party we(family) decided to chill out at the airport and we did. I was 'off' on diet. I was starving from the party. Eat hot fudge sundae and nuggets. We talk crap untill 2 in the morning.
What a day!

2010-10-06T22:06:00.003+08:00

To be honest, I'm in a mess for a few days now. Totally deep mess!
I don't know who to tell. Part of me said I should just keep it away from others.
I want to share but how? Its making me weaker each day.
Furthermore, my gpa is not what I expected. But I'm grateful that I'm over the passing line.

But what burden me more is him. Fine I tell you who he is. But I know you will say ' ouh, its another celebrity. She's a fan of him.' No! I'm not his fan!!!!!!

He is Shinee's Minho. The Flaming Charisma.

I think I'm going crazy. If not now, then soon. I talk to him every night on my lappy.
I 'full-screen' his normal-not-glamorous photo and talk. I love him as a person. I wish I will know him as Choi minho not Shinee's Flaming Charisma Minho who have girls screaming his name and wish they could dated him.

I wanted to say to Bestie.
" Bestie, I'm seriously tired seeing you acting this way. I know break up is painful but it keeps us strong each day. take it that its not your luck. I'm not angry at you. But look around you, there are others who suffer worst. Example me. You have been in love and be love by a man. Look at me, I don't have the opportunity to be in relationship. I've been in love but not be love by a man, yet. I know I will one day, but when? See the big picture? Because of it, I'm in a deep mess. Don't ask me why and I think you know why. Be strong, girl!"

2010-10-05T00:37:00.002+08:00

She's just a girl who fight very hard but did not get what she's fighting for.

2010-09-30T21:19:00.002+08:00

I know that I've said this before. I don't like to label myself as a fan.
I totally sold myself out just now. Bestie and I was walking around the mall and we heard Cabi Song. I went to the CDs Booth. I only saw the Cabi Song album. Not one of Shinee's song is in there. Then we leave the booth and wander around. When on the way back, we pass the booth again. Then my eye caught something. It was Shinee's Lucifer album. I breathe in hard like I was going to choke on my saliva. haha! Then I pulled bestie arm at once.

Me: "what do think my reaction gonna be if i saw them like normally among the crowds?"
Bestie:" I don't know how you're gonna react coz you don't want to be a fan right? But just now reaction is totally like die hard fan! I'm confused. "
Me: "hahahahahahaha!!!!"

O to ke? Then at home I watched Shinee's Hello Mv teaser at Shinee Key's twitter.
That asthma-like-breath came strike again!! This time my sister.

Sister: "why are you so eager to type?"
Me: "did i? I wasn't."
Then I start to type again.
Sister:" See! did you see your reaction? You type with a big eager smile on your face!"

Aigo! I think I should compose myself again and take a slow deep breath!
CAN'T WAIT FOR SHINEE's HELLO MV!!!!
heehee..

2010-09-30T00:05:00.003+08:00

Had a rough start this morning. Argued with mama about Lappy. Then went off to bed and wake up at 8 for emcee workshop. Waked up with a very bad and sad mood. But soon after meeting beautiful people, I feel fine and all my stress is gone.
I guess I need to go out and spend time with friends to distress.

I told ayah about my decision to move to Pasir Ris. I said 'yes'. I don't think its gonna be hard to go to school from east. I think its gonna be just fine, I hope.

Should I talk about him? I think I should. I try not to think about him often because If I do, my mood will be affected. I know that if we think of the person whom we love, we should feel happy. But, I feel sad. Ouh! I know why. Its because he is my IMPOSSIBILITIES. It means that I will not get him no matter how deep I'm in love with him.

HIM = IMPOSSIBILITIES

But whatever it is,

Oppa, Saranghae.

2010-09-28T21:50:00.002+08:00

What else can I do at home except Lappy.
Watch tv, eat, sleep???
I did not even go out and have fun with my friends. I have my own life but I sacrifice and stay at home. I did talk to you about this right. Lappy is my LIFE!
what you want me to do? Take care of Amirul 24/7?!?!?!

I have my own life!!!!! Lappy is my survival kit at home. If you don't want me to surf the net always then let me go out. If I go out, you will start to nag. If I on Lappy, you will get angry. Then what you want me to do? If you need my help, just say it to me. I'll do it. Now you telling me that I'm hopeless.

Seriously, I'm tired of all this!!!!!! I just have the motivation to be optimist. Now you are destroying me! Do you know that!!!!

2010-09-27T23:46:00.003+08:00

I'm getting stronger each other. I'm able to control my emotions better now. Try not to cry and hold it in. Keep thinking about things. My mind has never rest since that thing happen.

Love is pain, need sacrifices to make it beautiful.

~Anyeong~

2010-09-27T23:37:00.003+08:00

Had a talk with ayah. Only me and Ayah. It was at 4 am in the morming. We didn't sleep. We went to the coffee shop. Ayah wanted to upgrade the house and move to Pasir Ris since our family is growing.
All agree except me and Aishah because we have not give our decision yet.
He want the answer by the time he come back from Switzerland. I have 2 months to think about it.
Moving into a bigger house is a good idea to me since I need my own room badly. But, all my friends are here, I don't want to be far from them. Furthermore, my school is far. Woodlands to be exact.

Discuss with bestie and the rest, Bestie don't really like the idea but the rest willing to let me move. Now how? O to ke?

2010-09-24T00:00:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 39TH BIRTHDAY MAMA!

2010-09-23T00:51:00.003+08:00

I'm pissed & sad!!!
Very pissed and sad!!!!
I told my sister off sternly that she need to respect me and think of my feelings.
Instead she still with her big pride and defend herself.
She's telling me off because I surf the net late at night.
It's my personal life. I couldn't have my time going out. I take lappy as my companion for 'me-time' Its that so diffeicult. I have my life. Tears can't stop rolling.

Aishah, I have been so patient with you. Why can't you just listen to what I say and don't talk back.
I'm tired of taking those insulting words. Its like a slap on the face.
I'm your elder, but you take control of me. You know I'm weak at arguing. Yet you take advantage of it.

Seriously, I need my own space and room. Stop interfering in my personal life. You are not my parents. Correct yourself first before people's.

I'm really, really, really sad and pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

Where do I start? ok.
Celebrity or not celebrity. They still humans right? Normal people as I am right?
I'm a person who will love a person without looking at his position.
I have the urge to say his name, but I don't want to be those fans.
Its undeniable that I feel very happy whenever I see him.
I know I may sound crazy, falling in love with a star seriously.

We have the equal rights in this world.
Why can't they havve normal lifes on this ordinary planet and live normally even they are stars?
I really putting myself into deep shit AGAIN.

2010-09-18T02:07:00.002+08:00

Whenever ,

I switch on my laptop, I hear your songs.

I on the internet, I search you.

I watch your performance with 4 other members, my eyes notice you first.

your part to shine, I pay fully attention without any distractions.

you strive for victory, I cry with happy tears.

you fail, I worried and cry with you.

you speak, I don't understand but I know.

I fall for you when I see you try real hard to make people proud.

Your deep mesmerizing voice, captured my attention.

Your care and concern for yoogeun, captured my heart.

I treat you like a normal person. Not a celebrity.

Religion, race, culture and location is our barrier.

You became my impossibilities.

Imposibilities that I'm fear of.

Whatever happens, You will still be my STAR.

Loving you from a distance, Ain

2010-09-18T01:59:00.002+08:00

Ayah will be going Switzerland at the end of November. Its during winter time. I want to go with him but he don't allow me too. Last year, he wanted to bring me but mama don't allow.
Opportunity gone wasted just like that.

Everyday in my room stuck on my lappy. That is what I do everyday during this school holiday.
Coughing got worst. Its been a month that I caugh. Please get better ain!

2010-09-16T10:54:00.004+08:00

Well, bad news and good news clashh together brings confusion.
Looking at bestie's painful break up makes me feel grateful that I'm alone.

I know that time I need to put myself in her shoes and solve the problem together but I don't want to. Its not that I cannot, Its I don't want to.
Sorry for being selfish but I don't want to feel it. Its too painful for me.
Therefore I cannot do anything for you bestie. Hope you will be strong enough to face the problem. I'll try to help you overcome it.

Next, Zal is attach like everyone knows. Bestie in a bad shape and Besto is in a good shape. Irony isn'it? I'm neutral as always.

2010-09-14T17:03:00.002+08:00

I scream and jumped when i received text from Zal, my besto. Its the news that i've waited to hear from her!
Its official for her and hilton!!! Ouh, how...how wonderful..
Love is beautiful.... if you made it beautiful with laughter and happiness of course.
Now, left me alone with no one... Besto is taken, Bestie too. Now, what shall I do by myself? In case, I'm alone, right.
They have other responsibilities to do now, I cannot depend on them anymore right..
Its ok I have 2 pm and Shinee to accompany me wherever I go. heehee ;)

2010-09-08T16:05:00.002+08:00

Today was Communication. Yesterday was Cognitive.
Both paper was manageable.
After UT, meet with darlingS.. Ouh man, miss them loads!!
There were shouting and huggings.
1 month seems like 1 year! Hariz, Zaki, Nazurah, Solha, Afiqah and Danelia.

Tomorrow is last day of puasa. I cannot fast. So it will still be same to me.
Tonight going to nurul's house to meet BEBY. Play fire crakles! Yay!

Yesterday walk home with Fatt. Ouh man, we talk non-stop. It brings back the memories when he always share stories and problem with me. 11 years of friendship! you're my best bud/brother!
Fatt, make sure you come my house raya ok!

2010-09-07T18:14:00.002+08:00

you know what.. Just shut your gap. seriously! Who is the eldest now? stop complaining and give me some respect, you ol' crack pot!

If you don't like korean then shut up and keep your comment to yourself. Do you know that you hurt my feelings. ALOT! You know that?! When you like techno and jiwang, i never criticise you! Now what! Minah ! A total minah! Act like your age. 13 but it seems like you're 50!

Stop making me like a bad person infront of ayah and mama. I'm your elder sister and show me some respect. Scold whenever you want to. Smack me whenver you feel like to.making social-death rumours about me and somebody! Shout/yell/scream at me like I'm younger than you!

If I tell ayah about you having boyfriend and flirting around, you're dead! When I'm at your age, I don't flirt around and changing boyfriends! Acting all cheap! Next time don't use my laptop because my wallpaper is 2PM! they are koreans. when I'm watching Korean at lappy, You also wanted to watch! You two-faced shipwreck! stop comparing me and Firah. Atleast we do not act all cheap and seductive infront of boys and send flirty texts to any Tom,Dick and Harry!

Seriously, Give me the respect that I deserve! I've been putting up with you for ages!

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-06T16:35:00.003+08:00

Its raining outside. Listening to Only you again.haha.

Raya is just round the corner. Honestly, I have not done much religious stuff except for praying Teraweh at Mosque. This year's Ramadhan is not fruitful for me because My period come twice this month. This year's Raya also seems dull for me. I got UT and korea fever is burning right now. Study wise~ never do much. Just browsing thru the notes that I've made.

Talking about UT, today ut, cognitive is manageable. Hope I will be able to score well.

I've been have this feelings again. I couldn't find the confidence in me anymore. I feel fat when I lost 7 kg. I feel ugly when I see pretty girls linking their hands around their beau's. Aww... Zal is getting her love from Hilton. Hopefully they get together and Hilton gives her the love and security that Zal has been searching. Now left me with no one by my side. Sad isn't it?

What to do.. Blame myself for being this unlucky.

[I miss Jay(jaebum)]

2010-09-02T16:38:00.003+08:00

Sitting infront of my lappy,supposingly to be studying but youtube-ing instead. Urgh! I can't get myself to study. Where are all the motivation gone? Listening to Only You by 2pm which is this song on the blog. ahhh~ fallen in love with the song.

I know I need to study but~ heehee..

Need the motivation badly....!!!

2010-09-02T02:11:00.000+08:00

I NEED MY OWN ROOM/SPACE BADLY!!!!!

2010-08-26T07:23:00.002+08:00

Wow.. These fast few days, well its been a week now, I'm so into 2PM and Girl's Generation. I can see how hooked I am to youtube and them. I realised that whenever I go to Youtube. My hand automatically search for them. OMG! I'm typing this with my bro's head on my left arm. Its so difficult to type. No my right hand have to do the extra work..

I've been staying up late these few nights. Because of what? You tell me! Gosh! I'm a fanatic. However, I don't consider myself a crazy fan. What I mean 'crazy fan'? Well, I do love the hell outta them. To me a 'crazy fan' are people who really devote to them and will affect their life if something bad gonna happen to those celebs. And not forgetting, screaming their names to get their atttention like there is no tomorrow!
I'm not like that. I like to keep my cool. Those celebs like those attention but know your limits people! You must have morals. There are human too. well that's it for today.

2010-08-19T21:50:00.004+08:00

Yoona and Taec Yeon

Ok.. Surprisingly, I've changed my song again. This time is Korean!!! Ok i'm not at the safe zone anymore.. Safe zone means not prioritize on neither Taiwanese, Korean nor Japanese drama/variety show. But now I was dragged to the Korean side. The thing that dragg me was GIRLS GENERATION and 2PM! Ouh my!!! there are hot stuff!!!

Especially, Taec yeon and Yoona! There are so perfect!!!!! Ouh how I wish! they were gossip to have a scandal. But i really like them. It started when I was introduced by ny friend Family Outing Season 2. Plus my cousin is so into the Korean thingy. To me she is on the danger zone! hahaha.. But now I'm prioritize my time on watching 2pm videos!hahaha...

2010-08-14T11:16:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was the happiest day in my life! It was the first time that I breakfast with my friends. ME, Hariz, Zaki, Solha, Nazurah and Afiqah. We ordered Pizza Hut. When We found the place to eat. I was distibuting drinks while waiting for the azan. Hariz open the bottle and drink it before azan. He forgot that he is fasting. The he wsas like 'OMG, I accidentally drink!!!!" He should see his own face. hahahah so funny!

After eating we, as usual, CAMWHORE!!!! We took alot of photos. Afiqah was screaming because she scared to jump of the 'cliff' hahahaha.. But whatever it is, I had Fun of my Life!!! Gonna miss you guys and Love you guys LOADS!!!!!!!

2010-08-11T20:14:00.002+08:00

Okay, I know there is a pause on my post. So here it is. So yes, I've changed my song from Just the way you are(Bruno Mars) to Your Biggest Fan(nick Jonas). I fall in love with the song when I watched Jonas LA, the scene where nick sing and express his love to Macy to make it official to everyone. That scene/song touched me. Weirdly, it bring happy/envy/hopeful tears to my eyes.
But whatever it is, Bruno Mars still have my heart!

I've been sick lately, its like on and off. I just came back from Indonesia. A lot of things or I call it DRAMA happened in Inayah. It just pisses me off. Its like what I did is worthless. I shall not go to that.
************
Today, was a good day. Khairul Zaki change his look from Gothic/Punk/Rock to Cool Dude. It touches to me.. hahah.. Zaki if u're reading it, don't take it wrongly. It means that it is more presentable to me. Even your hair looks like a bird nest. hahaha

JYOF. I'm super duper proud of my girlfriend/bestfriend/sister, ZALIKHA!!!! Its the first time I see her singing out of her comfort zone!!! I love that! Now the whole school know her, the girl who have incredible talent! I hope once she is popular/famous in school or everywhere, she will not forget me and bestie. Whatever it is, I still love her and support her!!!!

2010-08-04T11:29:00.003+08:00

BABY I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN....
How I wish.... A guy sing to me and express all his love thru his lyrics....
Still searching for the ONE.....

2010-08-01T14:46:00.008+08:00

Yesterday I went shopping with my cousins and Aunts. We bought a lot of stuffs.This is the thing that I hardly do with my parents. I want to go shopping with my parents like this. Where I can buy anything without restrictions.

However, I want share this products that I LOVE so much. This product somehow similar to Lush but it's not Lush. They have bathbombs, colourful soaps, Professional nail kit, bath salt etc. When I went in to the shop, OUH! it smells so good!! So I purchase 6 of the colourful soaps.

It is sooo mosturising and it has a little of cooling effect. When you hold it with your fingers, it will melt..Its so mosturising. It is soft. The texture is like the Massage Bar from Lush but its not. I've been using for a week now. It smells soooo good. If only I could eat it!

The shop is located at Wisma Atria, Orchard Road. They have different pricing but the colourful soaps that I purchase is $8 per bar/piece. Check them out!

2010-07-29T19:43:00.002+08:00

Chatted with MUMMY at FB just now.. I pity her. She is the strongest woman I've evr known.

She faces alot of problems. One after another. WHy people who she loves dearly have to make her life miserable? If you don't want her, I'll take her!

So I plan to go out with her and tell her " I know you are stress. lets go shopping and forget all the troubles. Let's have fun!"

She was so happy that I want to bring her shopping.

Then I told mama about it. She is not happy about it. I know that there is a ceremony in the evening but I can't I just go out? I do a good deed or wrong, it will always be wrong in her eyes.

Why you always fight with me mama? Am I not a good daughter to you? I just wanna make people happy because I know how it feels like when there is no one by your side when there's trouble. I don't know what you want..Mama, please soften your heart and accept things the way they are. Think about others' feelings.

Writting with tears pouring down my cheeks.

2010-07-28T21:48:00.002+08:00

Today is my "slacky Day"(clothing)..
I'm wearing Liverpool jersey even I'm not their fan.
Bestie wearing Man U jersey.

Yesterday, chatted with John Rennel at FB. It was a nice chat. We had fun asking each other well-being and release our expression of missing to each other.(don't be jealous bestie.He's my buddy.) Good news! He's coming back to Singapore by the end of the year! YAY! That's call for a celebration. Miss him Loads! He said that I should find him a girlfriend once he reaches Singapore. -.- Then I told him to bring back a whitey to be my boyfriend. hahaha. He's philipine lived in Singapore and now US.

Then today, thanks to KHAIRUL ZAKI, this video has been tormenting me! He showed me a documentary where they burried children alive. I repeat, ALIVE!!!
OMG!!!! I should not go any further. Since poly, I've been introduced to these kind of videos and it disturbs me.. Dang, I should stop watching this kind of videos.

Anyways, I've been watching lots of Black Americans movie.. Gosh, love them! So funny and worth watching!! Gonna find another Black movie!!

2010-07-27T08:16:00.003+08:00

Sorry bestie for leaving you. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm wearing black eyeshadow which I usually don't dare to wear. I just board the bus when it reach and realised that you have not replied my text.
I feel so blur this morning. I think I'm tired. Those heels makes my waist ache and not enough of sleep. But bestie, this is the first time that i left you. Moreover, you are the one who suggest me to go first.

I kesiankan zal. Dia asyik tunggu kita lama2 sorang2.

So I think that makes me to board the bus. You said that I don't think of you. That I don't agree. Don't anyhow said it. I could get mad at you but I don't want.But whenever I'm angry at you, instead of consolidating me, you get angry at me back. Its early in the morning and I don't want to spoil everybody's start of the day. Why can't you think like this.

Whenever I want get mad at you, I think all the things that you have done for me. And take it as its a test from GOD. Please, think of others when others think of you. Eyes was welled up with tears when you texted me just now. I already adviced you to manage your timming. But you said you can't. Sooner or later, its going to effect people.
I know you. In this kind of situation, you will give up and don't want to think.

I won't bother you for now. I let you cool down first before talking to me again. However, i'm waiting for you to talk to me again.

2010-07-18T17:27:00.002+08:00

I'm alone at home. Family went to Malaysia.
It was fine at first. But now the pain is excrutiating!
it reaches my ear. I can feel warm air coming out of my ear.
Its freaking painfull. This is the longest pain that I have to bear.
Someone please send me to the hospital!

2010-07-17T22:42:00.003+08:00

Ouh my! This whole week its been a torture to me.
Its been 5 days I'm having a nasty cold and sore throat.
I thought its the normal sightness. However, its getting worse. I still force myself to go to school. Yesterday was horrible! I couldn't sleep properly. I coudn't swallow my saliva like I usually does. It takes like a moment to swallow things down my throat. Porridge is the only thing that is on my menu for a moment now. This morning I wake up and feel this a strain pain feeeling on my left neck. I thought that I sleep at the wrong position.

So I went to the doctor this morning. Gosh, I waited for nearly 2 hours for my turn.
Doctor said that this is worse than what my sister and mum got. Mine is already seriously infected and that explains the bump on on my left neck. I coudn't turn my head. It hurts. And I also need to rest my head on something. I got 4 days MC. Boring!!!
I was given the biggest and strongest antibiotic. How am i gonna swallow it with my swollen throat!

I miss my BABIES! (CHOCOLATES)!

2010-07-12T18:24:00.003+08:00

This is the menu when I went home feeling weak and sick! Fish Porridge with seaweed.
Side dish was soya bean cake(tempe) and REXODEN for drink. YUMMEY!!!!

ATLAST NOT A JUNK FOOD!

2010-07-12T18:22:00.003+08:00

ITS OVER, B*TCH~

***

2010-07-08T21:15:00.002+08:00

WANTING TO LET GO...

2010-07-08T20:55:00.003+08:00

I'm tired..
I'm tired... I'm tired...
Mama, Ayah...I'm tired.
I can't stand it anymore.
I want to give up.
Its killing me softly.
I want to cry like there is no tomorrow.
And I did.
I cry myself to sleep yesterday night.
I don't know what's wrong with me till you look through me.
I know I'm fat, fugly and what else?
I want the LOVE that I deserve!

2010-07-06T12:23:00.003+08:00

Today, Its Tuesday.
I had the Monday blues and Tuesday its getting even blue-er.
I feel worse than yesterday. I feel like crying and I did.
I feel 1% better which = nothing.
I don't know why I feel so sad and angry.
Is it because of my team, him or other things???
Surprisingly, Benson is nice to me today.
Amirul is sick and in the hospital right now.
He was doing fine yesterday but suddenly fall ill this morning.
Now listening to ASMA ALLAH by Sami Yusuf.
It makes me feel calm and sad.
My sins to HIM is 'uncoutable'.
I'm not a pious Muslim.
I feel so sad that makes HIM angry.
I think my sins made him not to grant my wishes.
I understand. I don't deserve HIS attention, I guess.
Thinking of these makes my eyes tear again!

2010-07-05T22:59:00.002+08:00

11 in the night.

Browsing thru my Fb and I came across yours. I feel blissful/happy/sad/angry.

Its a mix feelings. I don't know how I should feel.

Your are not replying my messages. Not even 1. Its just a friendly talk yet you turn it down.

Thinking of it makes me wanna cry. I know where I stand. You don't even look/notice me.

What am I thinking?

You are so different from what you supposed to be.

There is still hope pining on me.

What must I do to make you notice me or even feel my presence?

2010-07-02T12:19:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was happy/sad day

Today is my lazy day. I was so sleepy!

Tomorrow, YAY!

Danellia is in a dilemma situation.

Me, in a confused situation.

Went to help Danellia but Don't know how to help myself.

I really find Danellia is a bestfriend material.

I really have fun spending time with her only that she is gullible sometimes.

I Have a feeling that I need to be by her side.

People are just using her and make things out of her.

These people need a LIFE!

Anyways, I saw him when on the way back to class.

He wears a bright blue shirt.

Afiqah was expecting me to say 'HI' to him.

But I could not afford to. I was just in a shock reaction.

He reminds me of how cold he is towards me.

So webcam with Khairul the whole day.

2010-07-01T12:11:00.005+08:00

Seriously, I had enough of it.

[WARNING!!!This gonna be a long post.]

I was so excited to found out that he is single from himself.

but I don't really feel that much excited as before.

but I still hope somethinng would happen.

After a few days, I msn him. Every convo he only reply one freaking word.

Its 'ah,uh,yes,no,busy!'

Its soooo annoying. he even set his status busy in the mid of convo and would not talk to me. I only want to make friends with him for the moment.

During orientation, he so nice and smile at me when I talk to him.

But why he change so sudden.

Its like a different person. Arrogant, Ignorant and stuck-up!

******************

I thought I already over him. I'm proud of myself that I do not scan the crowd to spot him.

Atleast my mornings do not get ruin by his presence.

unexpectedly, at the junction to school.

He is just right infront of me!

I feel excited all over again. I was asking myself why I still feel this way..

I should not behave like this anymore. Its over remember?

But right now, at this moment, I'm eating my oreo and blogging.

I think I'm fading away slowly.

Is there still hope in ME?

2010-06-29T11:57:00.003+08:00

Ok this is what I did yesterday to overcome my broken heart.

In The bus I listen to hardcore songs. His images are playing in my mind. I can't stop it! It stays there and I connot remove it away!

I went home and straight go to my room. I took off my hijab and take my earpiece and lay down on my bed. I listen to RUNAWAY by BRUNO MARS. I forced myself to cry because I don't to keep everything in. I don't want to suffer because of this shit!

After a while, my lil bro(2 yrs old) knocked on my door and I open it. He wanted to play with me. Playing with him makes my trouble disappear. Really. His innocently cute face makes me feel happy.

After breaking fast, I ate two tubs of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It really cool me down. Chocolate, sweet cakes and ice cream are my comfort food. Anything sweet I will gobble up.
After that I feel fine but I don't know how I will react if i see him again.

2010-06-28T09:38:00.004+08:00

Seriously!!!!! COme on! I'm a little too late AGAIN!!!!!! He has a girlfriend! In my situation its is normal.Coz for the past years all my admire all,yes all! has a girlfriend!!!!!!! But I don't expect he has a girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!! Each of my sentences ended with an exclamation mark!!!!

I even solat hajat for him !!!!!!!!!!! Why don't I get a damn chance!!!!! I seriously need it!!!!! UUUUURRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

2010-06-27T18:53:00.008+08:00

LOTD
I came up with this look. My outfit was this colour and black with a lil bit of gold lining. I was going to a wedding.

I wanted to try the MAYBELLINE SHADOW PENCIL. So this is the look.(p.s. I was in a hurry so I just use a warm colour to back the shadow pencil up)

The SHADOW PENCIL really came out pretty well. I'm impress with the product! It was a warm/neutral look with a bright liner to bring it more interesting than normal/dull. The contrast is good!

2010-06-27T18:42:00.007+08:00

Review

Maybelline Impact express smooth pencil shadow.

One thing about this product is that it is super duper smooth during application. Its creamy not dry. It is also pigmented. I bought this pencil shadow at the same store/time/date with the KOHL MINERAL POWDER LINER (the one on my previous post). This was going at 3 for $10.

One thing that I don't like about this product is that it is a lil bit hard to remove. I use water-proof makeup remover to remove it. But still there are some on my lid. Not much but just a lil.

However, I still like this product. Its freking pigmented and creamy!

2010-06-23T22:59:00.003+08:00

Those feelings came back and hunt me down again!

I tried to cry my heart out as i usually do. But my tears dried up.
I don't know what to do! I want to be in love. A warm and gentle man companion by my side. Wouldn't it be perfect?
I have this feelings that plus size girls have not much choice. Why? Don't we deserve the same happiness like others get.

[I know I just have conversation with you for just a moment. It's kinda sudden but not for me. I've been noticing you since then. I hope you are the one for me. I really hope so. I beg you to see me with your open heart.]

2010-06-20T23:24:00.003+08:00

If you notice something, I have been not updating about my beauty tips. Schedule have been tight not because of school.I need to spend more time with family. My attention has also begin to move to Inayah. I really wanted to focus on them more.
One more thing, I've been working really hard to scrimp and save. I'm not working but finance is tight lately and need to save. That is why I have not done any shopping lately. Lush is on top of my list and that is the reason why I need to save!

I'm donating a $100 dollars to Inayah for Hardi's education. He is now 23 years old and he's an orphan. I'm really close to him. Some people mistook us like as if we have something going on. We are best buds!!! Come on! He is not schooling at the moment 'cause they have no money to enroll him at their local universities. Sad right? He really into COmputers and IT stuff and he's really good at it! He really wanted to study sOOOOOO Much!So My family and I, much as everyone else are trying our best to collect funds so that hardi can go to school. He's the only one in Inayah who is not schooling. So trying our best so that he can go to school!

May Allah let us find funds for him to go to school!AMIN!

2010-06-17T10:13:00.003+08:00

Hey guys.

this is just a little update. I was wondering whether I hould put up a birthday haul. Yes, my birthday is on 13 june which is 5 days ago. But I haven't get all my presents yet.
Anyways, I've been concentrating on Inayah right now. I feel so in love with them and I really feel that I need to be closer to them. I really them to the core. Even I'm physically here in Singapore, But my heart is at Tanjung Pinang! haha!
I celebrated my birthday with them and it was sooooo much fun!!! I guess this is the most memorable birthday I had in my life! Celebrating it with the orphans are much significant to me!
So yeah! I'll try to update more things.

2010-06-02T18:07:00.004+08:00

REVIEW
Loreal Kohl Minerals Powder EyeLiner

Well, I've bought this powder eye liner early this year. Loreal was having sales at expo. I pick this up coz is a new stuff that i have not tried.

I've just started to use lately and I don't like it. But I will still use it for other purposes. The lady at the counter said that it is smudgeproof. Well, I tried it, it smudge all over my eyes and leave a stain on my skin. And it makes a mess whenever I use it. However, I like the fact that it is pigmented and easy to use.

This is what I think of the product.Doesn't mean that it won't work for me is not going to work you too.Or vice versa. This is just my oppinion.

2010-06-02T17:42:00.008+08:00

88 warm pallette look.
Hey guys, my cousin,Firah, is sleeping over my house. So we are bored and decided to do make over for herself. I wanted to try the warm pallette that I've just bought about a couple of weeks ago.The inspiration was Golden Grape.Like those greek's gold fruit bowl fill with grapes.So this is the look:

I find it to mature for her, 'cause she is 12. But if an adult were to wear this look I think its gonna be beautiful. Personally, I really love this look and I'm gonna totally wear it during special occassions!

2010-06-01T18:25:00.006+08:00

COTTON ON HAUL!
This is over 2 trips to cotton on. Well, now is the period of Big Singapore Sale. It means that all shops in Singapore are having discounted sales. I guess. Cool huh! So I went to cotton on to get on to the good sales. So thid is what I've bought:
This long Shirt originally cost $10, but i get it at $5. I relly into long shirt, It really gives me this curve and shape. I really need it due to my oversized body.

This bright orange dress that I've bought it for my sister, Originally it costed at $24.95 but after discount, I got it for just $10.

If I buy anything at Cotton on, I will get this shawl at $5. not $10 for now. Its optional whether you want to get it or not.

Well, I bought this bracelet for $4.95 and get this black at $10 and the white one for free. If you don't buy any items, it will cost 2 for $20. Clever huh!.

2010-06-01T17:52:00.005+08:00

Tanjung Pinang Haul!
I just came back form Tanjung Pinang to visit the KIDS. My main purpose was to have fun with them since its is also a birthday celebration.
However, I was forced to buy some things for myself 'cause my sister bought things for herself and my mum don't want me to feel left out kinda thing. I really don't have anything in mind. T.P is not a place to shop. It is the poor country. So in shooping sense its really not my place. But for charity wise, It is an absolutely a big YES!

So these are the things that I've bought at very cheap prices;

These are 3 metal flower rings. There is 1 more the very bright blue.

I've bought this cute wallet it has elmo and cookie monster on it.

This is the front view.

This is the back view. One thing I like about this wallet is that, It has a lot of compartments.

This is a LV cosmetic bag. I only have small ones but I really need a big one . In case you are wondering, it is a fake LV.

Basically, I don't really buy alot of things for myself. T.P is a place where you can find a big varieties of tidbits. I love their traditional food. So T.P is a food heaven! haha!

2010-05-27T08:58:00.001+08:00

At Last, I found a nude lipgloss in my Vanity!!!

2010-05-23T20:35:00.008+08:00

BODY SHOP HAUL!

Hey guys. I went to Body shop with my family TWICE! yes, twice. We went to the first mall just to catch the 40% off. After that we went to other mall and we see another sale. So we straight ahead and buy again. We get alot of stuff. FYI, I'm not bragging. Like how much I spent or what i've bought. NO!NO!NO!. I'm not bragging. I'm just sharing what I've bought and where I get things at good bargain. I'm just sharing info. Good things must share right? So these are things that I've bought:

These are all the things that I've bought.

These are the things on the second visit to the other mall. They are having clearing off sales.

THe smalls bottles. 3 for $12. I bought 2 sets.

The perfume(clear glass bottle) 1 for $18.90. I bought 2 bottles.

The Vitamin E skin Boost (orange bottle) $24.90. I bought 2.

Body Lotion Mandarin $19.90

These are things on th e 1st visit to the mall. I'm not really sure about the prices cause these 4 items were paid by my aunt.

Japanese Cherry Blossom Puree Body Lotion.(pink bottle)

Wild Cherry shower gel( only this has 40% off)

Foaming Facial Wash

Whitening Serum

2010-05-23T20:33:00.001+08:00

I was about to achieve my love at 120km/h but I slowed down to 40km/h.